"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control...." -2 Timothy 1:7


first paper of the semester due on monday.
i am stressing.
oh brain...wake up.
oh words...form.
oh hands...type quickly.
i was not cut out for this...
but i can do it.
it is really hard for me to focus here...
much harder than it was in CA.
i feel like i am distracted everywhere i go.
praying for the words to come....
i need a good opening paragraph....
Lord, help.

the sunset was amazing tonight.
blues.
grays.
pinks.
blood reds....

it was a great reminder of how big our God is...
and just how much He loves me....

i am blessed.

Bienvenidos a Costa Rica!

I am here. Took a straight (five hour) flight from Newark to San Jose and arrived to beautiful 76degree weather, cool breezes and bearable humidity (thank you Pennsylvania for preparing me for Central America weather). I was greeted at the airport by a Gabo (one of the four guys who has been here since December), Ecna (my bunk mate from last semester who arrived a few hours before me), and Joel a young Tico who came along for the ride. What a joy to see these two familiar faces! Sosi & Ry soon joined us and we waited for the rest of the crew to land. It wasn’t too long before Justine, Korina, Taylor and Chandler joined us. A three hour bus trip to San Isidro brought us to our new home where we were greeted warmly by Gerry….all together at last. It feels so good to be here with these, beautiful, lovely people. I will miss home—but this is where my heart needs to be right now.
The girl’s house is beautiful and after some decorating it will be the perfect place to spend time with each other and in the Word. We have a beautiful back yard with a little table to sit at—and I think it will soon be my favorite place. An early morning breeze, my Bible, and a cup of Costa Rica coffee---don’t mind if I do.
We all slept like babies last night and woke up in Costa Rica. Weird. Surreal. We walked the few blocks over to the guy’s house (where we will hold classes) and Ry and the guys made us a delicious breakfast of eggs, black beans, fresh mango, fresh pineapple, maduros (little fried banana things), and delicious coffee. Mmmmmm….I told Ry that I expect to find this sort of deliciousness at my table every morning. We’ll see. I’ll be terribly disappointed, and will ask for a full refund if this isn’t the case. : ) Sitting around the table with these nine other people made my heart so happy. I could have broken into tears at any point. Right now I’m sitting at the table listening to the boys play guitar and the neighbors speaking Spanish to Ger. I am happy. This is going to be a good thing.
Please continue to pray for me…as I am already struggling…..my last week at home was a blessing and really hard at the same time. There is a lot going on in my heart and head—but God is faithful and good. I am excited to be here and to see what He has planned for me. I love you all so much and covet your prayers. Adios! : )

oh to rejoice...

today is kind of a ho-hum sort of day.
not really sure why...
just feeling kind of "blah".
perhaps it is the approaching holiday
and the thought of being away from home
that is making me a little sad..
or maybe it's just because i'm tired...
tired of writing papers
and sharing a room
and having no where to go when i just feel like crying...
but, i was reminded by a good friend
that i should rejoice regardless of how i feel.
rejoice even though i don't feel like it.
so, here is a list of things that i am thankful for today--
(tis the season)

--i am thankful for matthew chapter 12 and oatmeal with raisins
--i am thankful for people who speak with accents
--i am thankful for wool socks and corduroy pants
--i am thankful for lunch and conversation with a good friend
--i am thankful for napping to the sounds of guitars and sweet voices
--i am thankful for landscapers who keep this place looking legit
--i am thankful for tom mauch and the beautiful way he describes marriage
--i am thankful for girls to walk across the street with me
--i am thankful for the beautiful clouds we had today
--i am thankful for the coffee shop's new set-up
--i am thankful for a free latte
--i am thankful for a study buddy
--i am thankful for the sharing of testimonies
--i am thankful for the ring i'm wearing that reminds me of my sister
--i am thankful for the costa rica meeting that's happening later
--i am thankful for a place to spend thanksgiving
--i am thankful that i am loved and forgiven by my Savior

and now--i feel much better.

that the world may see...

today has been a struggle.
fighting tears and holding my tongue.
wanting to rip the heads off of the people closest to me.
so distant, so disconnected from home.
wanting to run away and just be...
alone.
i just want to go home.
i just want to have one big ole cry fest.

and then, it took the fellowship of a few
the honesty and humor and conviction and love...
to draw me back.
to make me realize that this is all a part of the journey.
i may be tired and lonely and frustrated...
but, i am learning. i am facing. i am gaining...
and in it i will rejoice.
and in it i am able to see purpose.

dear past struggles,
dear past failures,
dear past guilt,
dear past tarah...
dear past,
you have no power over me this time.
so get going--i'm moving on.
hello scary, unsure future--i'm looking forward.

if ever i loved thee....

dance.
dance you beautiful child.
dance for you are chosen.
dance for you are loved.
dance as He sings over you-
a Father's love song.
dance.
you are loved!
dance wildly.
dance unashamed.
dance regardless of...
dance with eyes closed.
dance.
chosen one
dance.
loved one.
dance.
you who are known-
fully known.
dance.
in the presence of His light.
dance.
He has brought (He has bought)
you out of darkness.
dance in the sweetness of His-
mercy.
grace.
forgiveness.
life.
dance for He knows you-
and He still chose you.
and He still loves you.
dance.
for you are His own.


today. i was overwhelmed with such glorious reminders of the timing of God--and how it is perfect. absolutely perfect. and i was reminded of how i must slow down, stop, stand still, wait, listen, shut up, shhh.....how i must quit trying to go before Him and organize my life myself. silly little tarah, haven't you learned that your plans and your timing have only gotten you into tangled messes? silly silly girl. wait. i was also reminded of how much He loves me and has poured out His grace on me. how glorious it is to know that i am His--can you even fathom that? He knows my name, He knows my thoughts (wow, that's a terribly scary thought), He sees my heart and He still (still.) calls me His own. baby. child. (precious) little girl.....

He loves us, oh how He loves us...

"this little black sheep has been made white"

hello proverbs 31 class.
hello brave woman whose words have grabbed my heart.
thank you for being vulnerable,
for opening up.
for sharing your wounds and hurts and scars.
you have given me such a glorious view
of the restoration and redemption
that we have through our loving Father.
hallelujah for the grace you...
no we...have found.


amen.