the will....

the weather today was beautiful. warm. windy. no need for a sweater weather. perfect for walking to and from work. but don't get me wrong, sweaters and the chill of fall are two of my favorite things about autumn-but having warm days now reminds me of summer. like, perhaps autumn is fighting with a summer who doesn't want to let go.....
but at that i shall stop...it can only go down hill from there.
a weird sort of day really-nothing out of the usual-but somewhere, sometime, during the day into the back of my mind crept that familiar [hated] voice of unrest. what am i doing? where am i going? who am i? why don't i do this, or that? when am i going to feel at rest? it seems that no matter how happy i am, or how contented, this voice always butts it's head into my mind reminding me that i've been in the same shoes for the last four years, and then i start to feel uncertain and weary. God, i am happy! i am! i love my job, my home, my family....and.....i don't typically worry about what i am to wear, or eat, or do, or go....why do i listen to this voice? why do i let myself get caught up in it's worries? why don't i just trust that you know what you want for my life? it's like my therapist said: "what you are supposed to do will find you..." (very much paraphrased). i believe that. i do. it may not sound like it now, but deep down i know that i do. i think [i know] i get too easily distracted by the world and their thirst for fame, fortune and future. i have better things to spend my life living for.
i am no longer the poet or writer i once thought i was. no longer do words flow easily from my mind through my hands onto paper. i am like a dry river cracked and thirsty. i am so envious of those who write with words that paint a picture in the minds eye, if only i could do such, there is so much that i would say. i believe that this is all due to my not spending anytime reading like i used too....reading really opens up the mind. maybe i should go finish those many books that lie half read, dusty, and waiting on my shelf. but oh, where do i begin?

mewithoutYou's new album is fantastic. i am not a reviewer.

oh yes, before i go, dear john- this post is mostly to get you off of my back about posting.